29.

Ended a case with all his friends.

Knocked off work.

Got out of his pick up to a sacred place,

He tried to find a girl even though he had a girl back home.

She caught his eye.

Every Friday evening worshiping the great.

Asking for forgiveness and maybe a man.

She never knew her prayers would be answered that quickly.

Too quickly.

He caught her eye.

Danced and squandered their youth away.

Dated and had fun everyday.

Tried to get closer and closer each time.

Unfortunately,

too close.

Her mother refused to let her go out.

Asked her to stay at home 

And never to meet the man again.

Her youthful desires sent her away.

She wanted every opportunity to be with him.

She cried about it and she doesn't know how.

She didn't want to be pregnant.

His life was at stake,

Her family could take action,

She was only 18.

A shot gun marriage, 

a quiet affair.

She didn't want the world to know 

her despair.

She quit school, 

she stopped going to where they met.

She loved him, 

and he loved her.

She tried to stay positive

as if everything were alright-

It wasn't

They only barely knew each other.

Fighting and quarreling at home everyday

The typical love story of romeo and juliet.

She was of a shady background 

but he was a man of justice.

She tried every possible way to get closer to him,

Too close it did.

He started to hit.

Abusing her for the next 10 years,

divorce was their constant topic for the next 30 years.

They never got to it.

Out came the first, 

then the second.

The third came soon

and so the fourth was the last.

Many years later, 

the fourth is 16

Third is 24

Second is 33

First is 37.

She's waiting for her results with her kids.

She's gonna be healed.

Definitely.

28.

Something i penned down awhile back. 

Relentlessly continuing the sounds of chitter-chatter, 

The rain all around making it a cool, cool weather, 

The aroma of coffee that doesn't seem to matter, 

people studying blindly and susceptible to the noise. 

Merciless cramming with a pinch of irritation, 

how can this be a conducive place?

Deemed as the study place in Singapore,

yet the ambience is that of a heartlander coffee shop. 

I came here in hopes of having a good, productive day. 

Only to realize 6.60 squandered away. 

I could've bought an eighty cent worth coffee 

for the same ambience, in a loud and noisy 

coffee shop. 

27.

I don't know why I try so hard to please you when you'll never be pleased with what I do. 

I'm always second to her. 

And I'm forever your demon child. 

26. you'll never know.

Don't walk away now only for you to regret, because if you turn your head away now, you'll never know how it feels like to be loved by me. You'll never be able to experience holding my hand, getting hugged, kissing each other, walking down the aisle, experiencing our first, having a baby, raising a child, growing old together, dying in each others' arms.

But if you turn your heart to me right now, you'll get to experience all that. Besides that, you're gonna be so loved. I may not be the most perfect person but I ensure that I'll love you until the very best I can. We can pray together, love each other. I wouldn't stop you from reaching your life goals. I'm gonna love you so much, everyone's gonna be jealous of the love and common bond we share. Because if you love me, I'm gonna love you too.

But you turned away.
And you don't seem like you're turning back.
I'll be here waiting.
Until time ends.

Beat.

25. threatened

Just a little something I've written before but it sums everything up. Goodbye.

they call it
the place where we
feel most accepting of
ourselves.
I feel condemned
used
unwanted
insecure.
I've tried to let this thought go
but where can it go
it can only go so far.
it'll come back
and haunt me.
she'll haunt me.
the silhouette of her is enough
to kill me

I shudder
at the thought of her
but she's just there
she constantly reminds me
of what she is
who she is
and what she used to be.

what's mine
should never be mine.

it's hers.

threatened.

24. sixteen

I'm 16 years young, I am naive.
I'm 16 years young, I might need a lot of love.
I'm 16 years young, I may still be immature.
I'm 16 years young, I have the future in my hands.
I'm 16 years young, I am supposed to listen to authority.
I'm 16 years young, I cannot make rational decisions yet.

I'm 16 years old, I can fend for myself.
I'm 16 years old, I have my own emotions.
I'm 16 years old, I can be serious when I want to.
I'm 16 years old, I have the ability to make decisions.
I'm 16 years old, I refuse to subdue to your nonsensical requests.
I'm 16 years old, I have a brain.

I am 16 years old, not stupid.

23.

If you're only going to stay for a while, I'd rather you not step into my life at all, because if you're only here to leave in the end, I'm not looking for a transaction. Your company for my time and vice versa. I'd rather you stay as a faded shadow. I don't want to live through the agony of losing someone close to me once again. 

I know that this feeling is familiar and it's a disorder I have - the inability to trust anyone. But why do people think it's wrong when I'm using this as a precautionary measure? Is it wrong to look out for myself? Everyone thinks it's wrong for me to close up in my own shell - but I don't see how this is wrong. It's just me, looking out. It's not as if I'm going back to cutting or having suicidal thoughts. I just don't want to hurt myself when all of you leave. 

Some argue that the least I can do is to learn how to cherish - but what good is there? If I cherish you even more, I'd trust and love you even more. What happens when you leave? Wouldn't it be even worst than what it already is? 

Goodbye old friend, I'm just going to slowly fade away and learn to be there for myself - something I should've done a long time ago.

I'm just looking out for myself.

I'm sorry for being this way 

I'm sorry for my sorrow 

I just want to fade away.