38

Terribly afraid of falling

when 

I 

know 

I've 

fallen. 

I can't tell anyone about it 

because 

I know nobody would

understand. 

I try my best 

to show a facade that 

I, 

myself, 

can't handle. 

because 

I need strength to carry on. 

and everytime 

I catch 

myself thinking of you, 

I know, 

somehow, 

things would just fall in to place. 

Soon. 

I can't point 

my finger at what it draws 

me to you. 

but 

I know that 

somehow 

everything would be alright 

37.

You are the refuge that was never there.


huff puff and a blade.

36.

Was it your sheepish smile when you told me you love me?
Or is it the way your back looks whenever you walk in front of me?
Every time I'm around you,
I can't help but to feel like I've got my white flag up.
You make my knees weak,
I'm at your mercy.

The way you flash a smile across,
I just can't help but thank God everyday,
that He made you like this.
Your ever beautiful self.

But now this smile is no longer there,
tell me why so.

35.

I thought I've managed to let go. I thought I had finally learnt that I should move on and that you're but of a passing phase in my life. But I realize I hadn't let go of the hurt you've brought about in me. It was absolutely horrendous and I had to suffer the agony all by myself for the few days I was alone. How would you have thought I had felt? I wasted my time on something that was never meant to be. You literally used me. You plucked the strings out of my heart and got me entangled in my own made belief web of love. You're such a pretentious little liar and you got me in to this state - this absolutely desperate state.

I absolutely abhor you to the core. I hate you so much I wish I could slit your throat out really slowly and make you suffer a painful death.....

but then again, it wouldn't be just you whom is suffering... I'd be suffering too.

34. Au revoir mémoire

I've got 11,000 photos on my iPhone camera roll and I decided to delete every single one of them today. I thought it would be a great idea to finally clear out all the wasted space on nonsensical pictures. After what seemed like 2 hours, it finally cleared and the sentimental side of me was still clinging on to the memories and I felt like I made a bad decision. 

Long story short, I restarted my phone without backing it up. Slowly, all of the photos started filling up the album... I took a good look once more and relived the memories. It was painful to see so many photos of people whom have left my life, places that I've once been and can never go back or even things that I've once loved to do but can never do again.

Don't live to regret. Being able to look at all these photos to relive it was all by fate. Not many would get the chance to do over what they think is a mistake. Although a surge of emptiness lingers within me right now, at least I've learnt a very, extremely valuable lesson - don't live to regret. 

Don't let matters pass, do it.

Don't let the sun set without resolving, settle it.

Don't let emotions be bottled up, release it.

Don't let the anger be kept within, let go of it.

Don't live only to regret it.

I had the last chance to say a final goodbye.

I'm deleting the photos.

Au revoir mémoire; 

33.

It's so funny how I used to be so dependent on one thing before but immediately after finding out something, I choose to totally distant myself away from it. Goodbye to my memory, goodbye to all that ever was. 

& HELLO 2014! (though it's already 11th January.)

32

There's something weird about dreams and how it captures every fragment of your imagination that even your soberness can't come up with.
Somethings are just meant to coexist but are never meant to meet.